How to make the 'new' Robocop suit....

Take the Bat suit mix it with the underrated (although in no way better than the animated series or the comics) live action Tick costume and...............

It's only just started filming but with only a teaser trailer, a leaked script and images of the new (?) Robo could it be, could this be it, could this be the unimaginative creative void that finally puts an end to the current trend for awful and unnecessary, nostalgia tripping remakes....hang on...what's that noise...sounds like...like the bottom end of a barrel being scraped out....sorry my mistake it's just the Manimal movie nobody was waiting for....................parp.

ROBOCOP REMAKE, I PREDICT.....

This movie will be the very definition of the word pointless but even though there's only a teaser trailer I'm going to have a stab at predicting what this version of the Future of Law Enforcement has in store for us.
As seen in the trailer the ED-209 is now the size of a house and looks like a reject from the Bay Transformer flicks so expect a glut of CGI Robo prototypes (Terminator Salvation style) and of course the obligatory cameo of the original Robocop in the background as a nod and a wink to the fans which also works as a 'honestly I prefer the original too' thumbs up from the director.

Detroit will be laid out like a rip from Blade Runner although they me be smart enough to use the actual city as it is (like Nolan's Gotham). Robocop himself will be far more 3D friendly so I'm expecting a sleek more gritty version of Sonny from I,Robot or if he's still built like a brick the accelerator suits from GI Joe (or they might just rip off Iron Man) either way he'll move like a techno Spider-Man with (as the poster and trailer would suggest) a black and red colour scheme.

 The story will be standard Hollywood and the satire of the original will probably be buried under scenes of elaborate fighting and chasing (but not as violent as Robo '87, got to think of those pesky  kids). The movie doesn't come out till next year so who knows maybe they'll break the remake mold and do something that will be as cleaver and original as the...err...original, as will I'm sure the remakes of Total Recall, Highlander, Mad Max, Starship Troopers, blah, blah blah..............

Fan Made 'the ROCKETEER' animation..

After watching this you have to wonder why Disney (who made the live action adaption of the Dave Stevens comic) choose to go with standard pap like the forthcoming Planes (a spinoff of Pixar's lackluster Cars).

BACK to MY FUTURE: how I learned to stop worrying and love the remake...

While expressing an opinion on movies (particularly in the case of blockbusters) and my desire for some 'new' ideas, for new pop culture icons to rise up from the 'Beige Age' that was the last decade, I was quickly  shot down cold and told to ''stop living in the past'' that there are things out there happening I just don't know about, things that are just not aimed at my apparently defunct demographic. 'Living in the past', aren't we all whether we like it or not....
The following pictures are all listed by IMDB as being released in 2011......

The original Scream was released in 1996. The original Thing was released in 1982 and was itself based on The Thing from another World (1952). Tom Sawyer was created in 1876 and was last adapted for film in 1998 (the Modern Adventures of Tom Sawyer)

Tinker, Taylor, Solider, Spy is a remake of the1979 TV adaptation. The original Straw Dogs was released in 1971. The original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was released in 2009.

Sherlock Holmes was last adapted (pre Downey Jr.) in 2004 (Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Silk Stocking) as well as a 2010 TV adaption he first appeared on film in 1908. The original Arthur was released in 1981. Mission Impossible first appeared on TV in 1966.

Vick the Viking first appeared on TV in 1974. Alvin and the Chipmunks were created in 1958. Top Cat first appeared in 1961.

 X-Men were created 1963 and first appeared on the big screen in 2000. Captain America was created 1941 and was last adapted for film in 1990. Thor was created in 1962.

Winnie the Pooh was created in 1926 first appeared on screen 1966 and was last adapted in 2005 (Pooh's Heffalump Movie). The first Muppet Movie was released in 1979. The Smurfs were created in 1958.

The Green Hornet was created in 1936 and first appeared on TV in 1966. The Hal Jordan Green Lantern was created in 1959. Dylan Dog was created in 1986 and first appeared on screen in 1994 (Dellamorte Dellamore aka Cemetery Man)

 The Johnny Blaze Ghost Rider was created in 1972 and was first adapted for film in 2007. Conan was created in 1932 and fist appeared on film in 1982. Transformers were first created in 1984 the animated Transformers: the Movie was released in 1986.

 The original Hellraiser movie was released in 1987. the original Fright Night was released in 1985 and the original Footloose was released in 1984.

Planet of the Apes was first adapted for film in 1968 and a remake was released in 2001. The Three Musketeers was last adapted for the big screen in 1993 (the 1973 version easily makes it into my top ten all time favorite movies.) and lastly Tintin was created in 1929 and first appeared on TV in 1957..
There were also new adaptations of  Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights but I thought listing them would be a tad pedantic. I freely admit that I enjoyed more than a couple off these pictures but I can't help wondering what original ideas where over looked in favour of these multimillion dollar cash cows.

The most popular blockbuster of the Beige Age was the decidedly ordinary Avatar with the rest of the Top Ten containing, a Batman (created in 1939) flick, two Spider-man (created in 1962) movies, Transformers (1984), the final part of the Lord of the Rings (1954) trilogy, the third Star Wars (1977) prequel and The Passion...(1611). Are there good movies still being made, of course there are but their dull thud like impact on pop culture is for me a bit of a worry (or at least frustratingly annoying). As I quietly await the 'new' I will embrace the 'now' and gladly leave my past behind me. Now where did I put my Stone Roses tickets....

COMING SOON?

For a while now I have wasted much of my precious time keeping an eye on the trends that seem to dictate what projects get made into a money spinning BLOCKBUSTER, and so applying the rules I have observed I'm going to give it a go myself.

Step1: Choose a well loved character from the past, preferably the 80's with instant brand recognition and an established record in profitable merchandise. For my pitch I have chosen the CARE BEARS.

Step2: Hire the best team of writers or failing that hire the ones behind whatever the top rated TV show is at the time and begin to build "BUZZ" off the back of their shows hype.

Step3: Find a director, this can be done in one of two ways either blatantly go for the money and hire Michael Bay or put up some kind of artistic pretense and go for someone like Darren Aronofsky.

Step4: Suck out all the child friendly elements that made the central characters popular in the first place and apply the word "DARK" and or "EDGY" to whatever is left.

Step5: Although the selling point behind the movie are the beloved characters of your audiences youth, two hip young actors must be hired to give the film a human element your audience can relate to. So even though your going to see the CARE BEARS half the flick will be taken up by the relationship between these two actors.

Step6: Milk the fucker for as much as you can because you only have a small window of time before some other money grabbing dick decides to release a big budget version of THUNDERCATS.