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Saturday, 31 March 2012

THE BAY EFFECT: How to make a Blockbuster...

A quick guide to how Hollywood comes up with all it's top notch blockbusting concepts or 'the Bay Effect'...

Step1: Choose a well loved character from the past, preferably the 80's with instant brand recognition and an established record in profitable merchandise. For my pitch I have chosen the CARE BEARS.

Step2: Hire the best team of writers or failing that hire the ones behind whatever the top rated TV show is at the time and begin to build "BUZZ" off the back of their shows hype.

Step3: If he's not directing (?) Michael Bay will no doubt be producing so a 'visionary'* director  has to be found. (*Generic.)

Step4: Suck out all the child friendly elements that made the central characters popular in the first place and apply the word "DARK" and or "EDGY" to whatever is left.

Step5: Although the selling point behind the movie are the beloved characters of your audiences youth, two hip young actors must be hired to give the film a human element your audience can relate to. So even though your going to see the CARE BEARS half the flick will be taken up by the relationship between these two characters that have little or no connection to the characters you want to see.

Step6: Milk the fucker for as much as you can because you only have a small window of time before some other money grabbing dick decides to release a big budget version of THUNDERCATS or scrapes the barrel and remakes the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and gives them a 'dark gritty origin', 'takes a leaf out the Highlander 2 (worst film ever) play book and makes them aliens' and rounds it of by changing the title to the comparatively dull 'Ninja Turtles'....oops.

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