As if a live action TV series and the 3D re-release of the existing films isn't enough rumours are emerging that episodes 7,8 & 9 are looming on the horizon. I never thought the day would come when the idea of new Star Wars would leave me cold but if truth be told that day came and went long ago.
Here are my predictions for the unfortunately continuing saga: The story will revolve around the off spring of Han and Leia, (as found in the novels and comics) Jaina and Jacen who are twins played by Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez and their younger brother, Anakin who will be played by the fat kid who always plays a young Jack Black. The story will basically be "The GOONIES in SPACE" as the three youngsters steal the Millennium Falcon and go off on an adventure to save the Rebel Base from being closed down a bought over by their evil uncle Luke, (still played by Mark Hamill) who wants to turn it into a soulless BATTLE of ENDOR theme park. By this time Luke is up to his botched facial surgery with the dark side of the Force and so is covered in Maul style Sith tat's, as is now the norm. Along the way those crazy Solo kids receive help from the children of C-3PO and R2-D2 played by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and their Wookie bodyguard Rugmuncharr played by Susan Boyle. When the kids finally find One-eyed Willie's sunken Star Destroyer there will be an over the top second rate Matrix style Lightsabre fight with their evil Uncle and his band of inept comedy Stormtroopers and a sexy female Boba Fett clone but thanks to the ghostly teachings of Obi-Wan, now played by Russle Brand (he is after all on a mission of his own to play every movie role ever played by a British actor, St, Trinians, Arthur, Drop Dead Fred... ) all ends well. That is until the Evil Sith Lord Darth JarBink-us shows up for no reason other than to cue the sequel. DUN-DUN-DUUNNNNnnn.........
Her's the article on the rumors over at filmshaft.com
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